Hello Rubble Clubbers,
Malcolm Dumpling here.
I am afraid Madge has injured herself while out rock climbing, it’s not too serious though but she has hurt her shoulder and is unable to use the computer.
So there will not be any ramblings this week. She should be back next week.
Meanwhile she is stretched out on her deckchair, soaking up the wonderful Blackpool sunshine sipping a gravel tea.
Rubble Clubbers, just ignore me. I’m on with the spring cleaning, flicking my feather duster over the floor. I’d sit and socialise with all you hundreds of invisible pet rock owners and your little pets, but I have come down with the spring fever. My heart is aching, despite the Blackpool sunshine because nobody has bothered to send me any photos or gossip for two whole weeks. Here I am, wearing my fingers down to the bone making rock cakes for your buffet, and I am beginning to suspect that nobody has even turned up, and that’s not like me, is it? I’m usually quite the optimist.
Still, it’s spring now and the influence of the east wind is upon Undergrowby, making the Growbies want to clean, clean, CLEAN! I myself refuse to be controlled by the east wind. I fight a battle with it every year, armed only with a feather duster and a refusal to be hurried. It takes its toll though. As we all know, spring is the season of the liver and gallbladder, the east wind the colour green and anger and frustration, so if your pet rock’s tummy is rumbling, that will be its liver and gallbladder being invaded by the east wind. The associated sulking is quite normal and is best ignored. My own gall bladder is feeling windswept enough for all of us and it’s making me bad tempered, and I know I am not alone. You’ll all be feeling it. Let’s all have a rock cake and a cup of gravel tea and put on a brave face. It will soon be summer, then it will be over. The pet rocks are looking quite rigid with fury, not just with their gall bladders, but with all the spring cleaning. They can’t get settled at all. (My husband Malcolm is scrubbing the fireplace and cleaning the windowsills. He means well but always goes too far, unlike myself!)
I am feeling so sorry for myself that there will be no Gazette this week. Instead, here is a nice picture of me, your red eyed chairman and clean little friend, Madge Dumpling.
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT! WHAT’S THIS I’VE JUST FOUND?
I was just flicking my feather duster around outside my front door and guess what? Letters blown around all over the quarry. That east wind has been stealing my mail just to upset me. Two week’s worth of your letters and gossip nearly lost for everamongst the rubble! How could I ever have thought everyone had forgotten me? I am back to my usual sensible self again now, thanks to Linda, Suz, Summer, Eleanor and your truly adorable families of pet rocks.
Here is a nice little Top Tips article from Granny Gray’s little friends, Eleanor and Summmer, followed by a beautiful picture.
“Tips for poorly pet rocks!
1.When you pet rock is ill you need to feed it a special medicine (only made by Summer,Eleanor and Madge Dumpling!!
2.If your poorly pet rock starts to get a cold place it next to a fire in a dolls house (only if you have one) otherwise put it next to a normal fire!!
3.Then when you have time go and collect these ingredients
.honey
.liquiorice
.some hot water
and then boil together!!
4.Carefully feed this mixture to your poorly pet rock and it should be feeling better in no time!!
Mossman is feeling much better is yours???
THANK YOU, SUMMER AND ELEANOR. WE CAN ALWAYS TRUST YOU TO COME UP WITH SOME USEFUL IDEAS. NO WONDER YOUR PET ROCKS ARE LOOKING SO WELL, AS WE CAN ALL SEE FROM THE PICTURE BELOW, SENT IN BY ELEANOR.
This is how a pet rock world ought to look. Full of life and joy. It’s lovely to see pet rocks living so rubbliciously. They have everything a pet rock could wish for, friends, a pet rock minder, a laptop, club houses, a swing, a toilet (behind the couch, nice and private), a proper set of buffet accessories, a crystal ball, a psychic kit, books, rock cakes and an easy chair. Well done, Eleanor and Summer! There’s just one thing that puzzles me. The hat stands on the right of the picture are empty. Who has stolen their hats, Summer and Eleanor? Did they get lost in the Easter bonnet competition? I will tell Granny Gray to sort out some nice hats for you as a reward for your Top Tips and photographic efforts. And the best thing is,…Hah! we unstoppable Rubble Clubbers did battle together with the east wind and won! Now, none of us needs to feel bad tempered any more. The sun is shining, the feather duster has gone back into its cupboard and we are all done and dusted, ready for all the new year can bring.
Till next week, Rubble Clubbers, I shall remain your glowingly happy Chairman and grateful friend, Madge Dumpling.
Hello Rubble Clubbers. I can see you on the doorstep. Yoo hoo! Here I am sweating away in the kitchen baking batch after batch of my prize-winning buffet ingredients. The Rubble Club headquarters here at the Stone Quarry Cottage in the land of Undergrowby, somewhere in sunny Blackpool, is bustling with new life. If you can fit yourself in, you might be lucky enough to find a few rock cake crumbs left on the buffet table, Rubble Clubbers, but I make no promises. Now that spring has sprung and the Growbies have emerged from their winter cocoons, they are all here with their pet rock collections having a springtime swapping session. My husband Malcolm is in the parlour somewhere, trying to get on with the spring cleaning tasks I have given him, but he can’t get on for re-filling the teapot. And I expect you are wondering where is Tea Boy Bob? Off on another holiday I bet, coach-tripping up and down the mountains of Scotland with my deputy head prefect Linda from Kilmarnoch knitting away at his side.
Just when it gets busy in the real world (of Undergrowby), everyone out there in the invisible world of cyberspace deserts me. There is not even one letter in the mailbag. It’s lucky that I am so full of my own importance that I expect the postman has posted all my letters in the wrong letter box, or I would be crying right now. But there’s no time for crying. I have too much baking to do. My Easter rabbit biscuits went down so well last week I have had to send Malcolm out for another bag full of rabbit droppings from Jubilee Gardens. They make nice handy realistic-looking eyes for your rabbit biscuits. I expect that’s why the rabbits drop them.
The schools have been on holiday this week and Granny Gray, my doddery old shopkeeper has had a lovely time serving them all in the Magic Wand Factory Shop. One of her favourites is called Emily and her lovely wise mother bought Emily a great big house for all her hundreds of pet rocks. Granny Gray was trying to talk her out of it, telling them about all those nice cardboard houses that clever children have made for their pet rocks, etc., like she does, so I gave her a kick under the counter and brought her to her senses. She quickly agreed that they did indeed need one of those proper pottery houses made with my own fair hands and wrapped it up for them. I followed Emily home and supervised the setting up of the new pet rock house and I am pleased to announce that it looks a treat, but she could do with a few more of them, and perhaps a swing. I did tell them that but they took no notice of me at all. It is as if I were invisible.
Also in the shop this week there was a party of beautiful, intelligent young people from the faraway land of Newcastle who had come to Blackpool especially to get themselves a nice big batch of pet rocks to help them in their intellectual pursuits. It might seem like along way to come but it’s no surprise to me. After all, everyone who studies knows pet rocks are invaluable when it comes to exam time. They remember all the facts and figures for you and sit on the desk thinking them at you and looking like an innocent little good luck charm (which they also are of course). I wonder sometimes if it’s because of my pet rocks that I am such a regular competition winner here at the Rubble Club, but no, now I think about it, it has more to do with the absence of other entrants. Anyway, Rubble Clubbers, I am half-expecting those bright young things to send me some pictures of them and their pet rocks having tea parties together in their distant new homes. I wonder what a Newcastle or Durham tea party looks like. Do you, Rubble Clubbers? Perhaps we’ll find out.
And so, as I hand you on to the Gazette, I remain your ever popular chairman and uncomplaining friend, Madge Dumpling.
Hello Rubble Clubbers and a happy Easter weekend to you all. Quick, get into my parlour before you get too sunburnt by the dazzling Blackpool sun. The Easter holiday-makers are out in force so I dare say there will be a queue of pet rock fanciers forming outside the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road as I speak. Granny Gray had better be wearing her Easter bunny outfit while she serves them all, or I’ll want to know why. She has had a good time this week gossiping away with some of her little truly brilliant and beautiful favourites, Eleanor, Summer, Savannah and Sam. It was Summer’s birthday and naturally, everyone who loved her bought her pet rocks and accessories. For that reason I have awarded them the title of Pet Rock Customers of the Week.
Eleanor even sent me her tips for managing naughty pet rocks like her own difficult little pet, Glitter. Thank you Eleanor, and here it is.
Tips for managing naughty pet rocks
when I bought glitter I thought that she was a good pet rock but she was not because when she came in she played with her toys very nicely but after that she just threw them down.
1.when your naughty pet rock throws things down don’t take it tell her to stop!!!!!!!.
After she has done that you bet she thinks she wants to be a good pet rock so do I well she is at first she was just playing on her swing nicely and then she is done so she turns around to put the swing away nicely but she just throws it over the top and she nearly breaks it.
2.when your naughty pet rock nearly breaks valued items like our antique swing take away her pocket money for this week!!!!!!!.
Then she goes into her sisters room she goes into her sisters toy cupboard looks at the things in the toy cupboard she says to herself I cant see the rest of all these toys at the bottom , so she throws all of the toys out onto her sisters nice clean floor and then looks at them and spreads them about looking for a good toy still ruining her sisters floor . She cant find a good toy so she just walks out of the room and leaves it when her poor sister has got swine flu!!!
3.If your naughty pet rock leaves a big mess especially in another persons room send her to bed early!!!!!!!.
Now glitter has learn her lesson has yours?
by the truly brlliant & beautiful Eleanor Anne Ward age 8!!!.
That Glitter is a bit of a handful isn’t she, Rubble Clubbers? I have to say it is very unusual for a pet rock to be such a pest, but I am sure she has met her match in the wise, brilliant and beautiful Eleanor. Until next week I will leave you pondering her tactics and get straight on to the Gazette. Linda, I will let you know if there is any point in your combing through Facebook looking for my face. It’s not there yet, anyway. It’s just another job, and spring has just sprung so there is so much to do. If I am not careful, I will have no time left for my pet rock whispering.
I will have to leave you now because I have a lucky ribbons auction to organise.(see the Gazette below for details)
Until next week, I remain your trusty chairman and important friend, Madge Dumpling.
Powered by WordPress
