Rubble Club Archives

Sun! sun! sun! Welcome to the Rubble Club Headquarters here in the Stone Quarry of Undergrowby, below ground somewhere in the sunnier-than-average holiday-land of Blackpool. Aren’t we lucky to be here? I have had some exciting exploits this week, and important information for pet rock owners, but first let me open the postbag and do my replies.

Linda from Kilmarnoch, yes it was a relief to see the lovely Linedancer last week but I fear she is not up to international linedancing competitions just yet after her scary illness. She will be back on form shortly though. Meanwhile we will have to make up the pet rock linedancing-around-the-couch session as we go along. Suz will be taking your new season’s range of Linda-from-Kilmarnoch pet rock knitwear with her to Egypt, (if you have never heard of it, it’s a foreign holiday resort not far from Blackpool. It has nice sand, but not as nice as Blackpool’s) to make all the Egyptian pet rocks jealous.

Suz, I am expecting at least ten pictures of pet rocks on holiday in Egypt, doing nice holiday things in foreign parts. It is your duty now, Suz! Thousands of pet rocks all over the world come to these meetings every week and they will all be looking forward seeing their rocky little pals in foreign parts. Don’t let them down Suz! I KNOW you’re loving the knitwear that you won. Everything Linda knits is fabulous, especially shawls, but not so much dishcloths.

On to my news. I went to a business conference this week to mingle with other business people like myself and attend talks on how to make Blackpool even more fabulous than it already is. I expected they would ask me to give a talk on the promenade development work which I am overseeing, or possibly on how to improve facilities for pet rocks in Blackpool, but they did not. They must have run out of time. Instead we had a nice jolly man from Disneyland Florida showing us pictures of their smiley, happy staff with nice manners and their lovely clean and tidy holidayland with funny giant creatures wandering around everywhere. They even have trams, an idea they pinched, no doubt, from Blackpool. I am disappointed to say he never mentioned pet rocks at all. Don’t they care about pet rocks ? I expect it just slipped his mind because he seemed like a very nice man apart from that. I took Granny Gray, my doddery old shopkeeper, with me, and I hope she was taking notice of all the smileyness and politeness of those Disneyland staff. I bet they don’t go to sleep behind the counter, or forget what day it is! In fact I am going to insist she wears a funny monster costume while she wraps the pet rocks up now.

I met up with my delightful friend from the Blackpool Tourist Information Bureau, who hands out my leaflets for me, but Granny Gray grabbed her first and started gossiping away, boring her to death. I just listened in and no matter how much I kicked her, Granny Gray would not include me in the conversation. I had to be content to sit on her foot and listen in. I found out that it could be two whole years before the new Tourist Information Centre will be ready to open on the promenade in front of the Tower, because of the promenade development work. (I thought it was opening this summer!) Meanwhile it is lurking in a dark corner of Talbot Square, waiting for the builders to get on with it. Just you wait, Rubble Clubbers, when I get back onto that Promenade I will be having words with those builders and telling them to get a move on. The promenade pigeons have nowhere to congregate and get fed chips from Harry Ramsden’s promenade chip shop across the road till it’s done! No pigeons, no gossip for me! It’s not good enough.

Another beautiful intelligent speaker talked about somewhere on the internet called Facebook, (I imagine it is an invisible cyberspace club like the Rubble Club, but it’s shaped like a book with pictures of faces in it), and she said many millions of people have pictures of their faces glued into it. I am wondering where it might be because I don’t think my face is on it.  Suz, if your face is on Facebook, make sure you show them your holiday snaps then the pet rocks will have their faces on it too. They like to show off.

Easter is nearly here and the pet rocks do know about it, even if you think they don’t. They remember everything, and every year when they were still in my care we used to have Easter Bonnet competitions and Easter eggs. They won’t eat them but they still like to get them, so you still have a week to sort it out for them, to spare them from feeling neglected.(Those tiny ones are what they like.Toothpaste tube tops are perfect for eggcups) Or you can pop down to the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road Blackpool and ask for an official Undergrowby boiled egg, spoon and toast soldiers on a plate all made out of stone especially for your pet rock. They are under the counter even if they are not on display. We can post one to you  for £2.75. Just ring 01253 353800 and tell them Madge sent you.

And with that I will leave you with the Gazette. Until next week I remain your business-like friend and smiley sunshiny Chairman, Madge Dumpling.

Hello to all Rubble Clubbers! This is Madge Dumpling, your Chairman here, exhausted, quite out of breath but still here I am dutifully holding the door open to you all. Be quick and get inside for heavens’ sake so I can stop having to shield my eyes from the blinding Blackpool sunshine and get myself a cup of tea.  I have just got back from sunny Stanley Park where my nose got quite sunburnt. I was handing out the weekly buffet of rock cake crumbs to the goldfish Rubble Club members and their little pets and the sudden heatwave took me unawares. I nearly passed out with the heat stroke. It’s my own fault, I should have rolled my sleeves up a few inches, but you know me, I am too much of a lady. Still, here I am, safe and sound to open the oven just in time before my new batch of Easter pebble buns catches fire.

Phew! It’s marvellous what a cup of fermented gravel tea can do for you.You’ll have to help yourselves, I’m too exhausted to lift the teapot again! If only my husband Malcolm would wake up and take over his tea-making duties. Tea Boy Bob has let me down too. He drank so much of that special Scottish ingredient of his that it sent him to sleep. He fell into the spare bed-cupboard and set his alarm for the first day of spring, so that’s him gone too! It’s a good job you’ve got me, Rubble Clubbers, or the Rubble Club would fall to pieces! I have been watching out for the thorn blossoms to open, to let me know spring has sprung and the winter sleep must end. So far, nothing and that’s odd, with all this sun! Never mind, on to the postbag.

Suz, your parcel will be there soon, now I know where it’s going. Lucky little you! You deserve it.

Linda from Kilmarnoch, I know you are thinking of me and my worn out legs, much like your own in your childhood. Keep on spurring me on to ever more greatness with my bus map. Thank you.  Your fabulous knitting will be delivered this week, next time I go to the post office with my ladder.

I ordered Grandad Gray to hand out a prefect’s badge this week to a truly dedicated pet rock collector called Lauren. We are hoping to hear something from you, Lauren, and even photos if you have any, of your pet rocks having a nice time at your house,  if you are clever enough to figure out which buttons to press. If you have no photos just send me a lovely cheerful message. Welcome to the prefects’ couch! Move up, prefects!

Lindancer has been in the shop chatting away to Granny Gray this week but I was not there at the time and GrannyGray is not forthcoming with the gossip. She is too busy watching Judge Judy in between customers. All she would say is, even when you can’t see her or hear her, Linedancer is still there at the Rubble Club, like the eternal flame that never dies, listening in and taking notice of everything, no matter how poorly she is. As soon as she gets a new computer that works, she will be dancing around in cyber space, letting me know if something needs my expert attention like she used to do.

And so, you have waited long enough, on we go to the Gazette. Until next week I remain your sunburnt Chairman and exhausted little friend, Madge Dumpling.

Hello, this is your chairman and world-famous pet rock whisperer, Madge Dumpling speaking. Come on in and help yourselves to fairy rock cakes.(Don’t worry, the recipe has not changed, I have just stuck a folded leaf into the top of each one, like wings. Well, my plant has dropped all its leaves and you know me, I waste nothing!)

Straight to the postbag.

Thank you, Linda from Kilmarnoch, Deputy Head Prefect, for caring about my little legs getting worn out walking all the way to Stanley Park to cater for our new goldfish members. Like the hero that I am, it took me two days to speed-walk there and back with my basket of rock cakes, pet rocks and my ladder, and so I was late for the meeting last week, if you remember. Never again! I shall be taking the bus from now on so I have to consult my special Blackpool bus user’s Metro Map (with which I am so impressed I have wallpapered my parlour with it) to figure out how to get there. It is a very complicated journey but luckily, the pet rocks, who have memorized the map, are there to remind me which bus to catch next and from where.

Suz, be quick and confirm your address. The knitting is waiting. Just say “Yes, it’s Davina Davies’ address” next time you write to me and I’ll know what you mean. (I am the spool of discretion) Linda, the Rubble Club’s chief knitter,  has entrusted the precious package with me and I am determined it must go to the exact right address, not just to someone because they have a name like yours. Linda awarded the prize to you for your extraordinary observational skills,( spotting the knitted Madge doll on the top shelf), and nobody else will get that prize, or my name is not Madge Dumpling!

And so on to the pictures. Till next week, I remain your faithful friend and busy chairman, Madge Dumpling.

I know, I know, I’m late. I have been out doing some outside catering at the goldfish pond in Stanley Park,(and it was further away than I thought) but I’m here now so come on in. I see you have been queuing up overnight, and all I can say is it’s a good job Blackpool has such a warm sunny climate.

And next, here is the shawl Linda from Kilmarnoch, (Deputy Head Prefect and Chief Knitter for the Rubble Club), knitted. It was not the dishcloths as I said last week. Whatever was I thinking?

Now, Suz, I know you are impressed with Linda’s fine work, and if you want me to send your parcel of pet rock knitted outfits Linda has made you, you will have to get in touch with Granny Gray, 01253 353800, and confirm your address.

And so, on to the Undergrowby Gazette, as promised.