Rubble Club Archives

Hello to all pet rocks and their dutiful owners, this is Madge Dumpling, world-famous pet rock whisperer speaking. For the information of new members I must tell you that I am the Chairman of the Rubble Club, a pet rock home from home, (my parlour) where responsible owners come to eat my delicious rock cake buffets and hang upon my every word, hoping to learn how to keep your pet rocks as happy and healthy as the day they left my care.  Pet rock owners tell me that they like looking at pictures better than words, so, ever eager to please, I no longer give long wordy lectures on pet rock care, and instead I have taken to painting cartoons and taking photos.

This week, the Deputy Head Prefect and Rubble Club Chief Knitter, Linda from Kilmarnoch, has saved me the trouble. She has sent in a lovely pictorial article about her knitting, which proves she can indeed knit, and not only can she knit, she is a world-famous knitting celebrity. In case you ever had doubts, Linda is not a figment of my imagination, Rubble Clubbers! Here is a picture of her lovely knitting from issue 15 of ‘The Knitter’, the Rubble Club’s favourite knitting magazine. (the prefect’s couch is littered with them) I think this picture is of a collection of circular pet rock umbrella covers which, thanks to Linda, you can copy if you can knit well enough.

And here is a picture of Linda, world-famous knitter, herself. 

There you are, a special treat for you! And now, instead of having to paint this week’s pictures for you I will be able to sit on my deckchair in the sweltering Blackpool sunshine, carrying on with my extremely long and pictureless map-reading story,  and next week I will be back with another issue of your old favourite, the Undergrowby Gnews. (Unless somebody else sends me some pet rock-related pictures instead)

Until then I remain your faithful friend and  sunburnt chairman, Madge Dumpling.

Hello Rubble Clubbers, this is Madge Dumpling, your dutiful chairman welcoming all you pet rocks and your kind owners to our cosy little meeting once again. Tea Boy Bob has lit the fire. I told him not to but he insisted, because Linda’s hands are stiff from the cold, (too stiff to knit!!!!Disaster!!!!!). The prefects have been gossiping away for hours and I have been listening in. Luckily for us, Linda, the Deputy Head Prefect and chief knitter,  is going to leave all her other jobs so she can be our full time prefect and sit on the prefects’ couch all around the clock. I suspect it’s because she has heard about the cuckoo clock in today’s picture story top tip of the week, which I have hung right in front of the prefect’s couch especially for her. Tea Boy Bob is here as well, watching the antics in the clock in between making Linda a nice hot toddy. He is taking extra special care of her now she is a celebrity knitter. Linda, please send me the photo for those of us whose ladders will not reach the magazine shelves in question.

Suz, how many medals have the pet rocks won in the winter olympics? Or are they just spectating? Teapot the puppy is wrecking my parlour, thank you for asking. I am trying to train her to sweep the floor, or at least eat the old valentines,  but she just messes up my nicely-scattered grit and rubble and buries the pet rock’s toys in it, like a crazy fool. Dogs are hopeless at being trained, unlike pet rocks who are much more eager to please.

I have been waylaid from my duties this week by my doddery old shopkeeper, Granny Gray, who wanted me to tell her what gossip I might know about Hillbert Stopgrowby, Gatekeeper of the Seven Schools. Because it is winter and the shop is quiet, she is writing a story about the Undergrowby Map of Mysteries, or rather I am dictating the story and she is writing it down in her best hand-writing and signing her name at the bottom. I hope she does not miss out the bits about me and my world-famous rock cakes, which Hillbert refuses to eat (because he is  a mummy’s boy and only eats those mashed roots and chopped nettles his mother dishes up). What with that, the puppy and the cuckoo clock as well as my full-time pet rock whispering career, I am exhausted, so I will leave you now with the pictures. Till next time, I remain your hoarse, story-telling friend and over-stretched chairman, Madge  Dumpling.

Come on in, Rubble Clubbers! I am Madge Dumpling, your Chairman and world-famous pet rocks whisperer. I know it’s Valentine’s weekend, but I have already covered the subject of Valentines, and I am leaving the rest to you. While you gobble down my rabbit biscuits, I think it’s time you had a helping of serious Gnews, so I am sharing my latest issue of the Undergrowby Gazette with you. The prefects are gossiping away and comparing pet rock knitwear on the couch, so the rest of you will have to sit on the other couch along with the visiting puppy, who has a hundred pet rocks registered in its own name, (Teapot) so I can’t stop it joining the Rubble Club. It likes rabbit biscuits, but who doesn’t? (I think my doddery old friend, Granny Gray, its new owner, is just wanting a free puppy-sitter for the day. Watch out, get that knitting off the floor, ladies! It has a weakness for stringy things, and as you can imagine, I can’t run fast enough to catch it if it runs off with a ball of wool.

I will leave you all to read the paper, look after the puppy and until next week, I remain your pestered Chairman and unconditionally devoted friend, Madge Dumpling.

Hello Rubble Clubbers, I know you are desperate to see what happens next, but first we have to do the official business.

Linda from Kilmarnoch, you are doing a very good job with the prefects, especially your little favourite, Suz. I have been listening in to your conversations and, ever eager to help,  I am putting a photo of your knitted Madge Dumpling doll on the notice board for old time’s sake, and so you can get the colours right when you knit another.

Yes there are foxes in Blackpool and where once you might have found them in Jubilee Gardens visiting the rabbits, you will find them sniffing their way along my back alley tracking down my biscuits. Soon they will be pulling my trolley down the promenade, so you will have no trouble spotting them.

Check your calendars now, Rubblers, and think about what date it will be next weekend. That’s right. I have reminded you enough now, and I am sure by now you will have your little pet rock Valentines ready  for posting, one each, but no less. Even if you forget, they won’t. They’ll be waiting.  And please, Rubble Clubbers,  no favouritism, it’s cruel.

I have to leave you now to try the rabbit biscuits while I get back to my work, writing a long, long story about my neighbours and their funny little ways. I don’t know how I fit it all in. Until next time I remain your unstoppable Chairman and interesting friend, Madge Dumpling.